Time gives me a slap in the face

I work a lot. I end up staying within a 10mi radius of my home. The theater, the 7th st/University bars, a friend's house on occasion. It is mostly the gas price's fault. Anyway, I try to see my family once a week, which suits me just fine because it does take a bit to handle them. I do talk to someone in my family at least once a day. Should be enough, right? No, I love 'em they are everything to me. I am damn lucky. Sometimes we forget.

I wake up Fri to enjoy a day off and do nothing but putter around the house, make myself lunch, work on some poetry, snuggle in bed with my book and pen before I run the box office again. The last of my personal days for six weeks or so. I thought about my folks, I hadn't seen them lot even though they drive me crazy. I get a text tellin me my Mom is in the hospital. My Mom hasn't gone to the hospital in ten years or so. Blood clot. Thats freakin serious. (My Grandma had one sneak up on her and went straight to her lung, thats why she left.) This was not good, not in conjunction with her diabetes. I couldn't really move fast enough because my mind went a way that wouldn't really serve a purpose. I saw life without her. I was just working on a scene with her voice telling her memories in my mind. I saw myself sitting with my father next to an empty seat watching the show I wrote for her, inspired by her and having to make it happen knowing she couldn't see it with us. Oh God sometimes my imagination doesn't do me me any good.

(Here I am thinking this all over again with a lump in my throat while she's taking a nap in the other room.)

My Aries mind tends to see nothing but the immediate moment. Watching the progress of time is frightening when it reveals itself this way. Not that Age is unknown to me. I forget, then reminded again, when I hug my Dad and my head doesn't rest on his chest anymore, when my Mom gets tired more often now than I remember. My Mom would wear me out at the malls when I was a kid. I never go now, but when I had a quick run to make recently, and she had to sit down and wait for me. I cried on the way home. They are getting older, they won't be around much longer. Time is now.

I had to wait for my sisters to let me know what was going on before I could speed down to Arlington. It ending up being a much appreciated warning and nothing more. We all saw it though. I practice visualizing your wanted reality, but these dark pictures in my mind are hard to shake off at the moment. I guess a glimpse of the future can give the present a slower, deeper life went you let it.

We are stronger than we think. I know this. I do.