In the Harmony

Things can happen so fast. Then there is a glimpse of magic,
something so tangible you can taste it....

It was a frantic start to a week. Eye twitches and a pounding heart throb about reminding me to breathe. Visions and to do lists swirl in my head so fast that I can't seem to catch up. Distractions grab my attention so easily. Something tells me to get those things out of the way for a clear mind on the days to come. Cara Mia's David said, "work hard, be humble -just don't forget to breathe". I love that boy - what a comrade.

Scrambling for teachers for our afterschool programs, then they appear
Biting nails over an incomplete cast...then its there
A beautiful afternoon teaching along side a beloved mentor
Seeing young minds find a way to their voices.
A rehearsal that flowed into whispers from a muse.
The dozen of deja vus since Sat, the roadsigns I am happy to see
The fears just seem to just wash away.
Doubt is more trouble than apathy.

Maybe I chose to hold on to fear thinking its humility
Maybe humility simply comes from true gratitude.

Then one last fear I charged through: I got to sing with the Wreck Room jamsters. Not in my shower, not in my car, not spoken word but on a stage carrying tune with the badd asses of FW. I am not a singer. It was the running joke in college. These guys just let me jam with them. I would come home always kicking myself for not having the guts to just get up there. The song is of my most treasured tunes: Portishead's Glory Box.

I was shaking like the first time I read one of my poems for an audience. Blast your own Breath, ran by Tammy Gomez five years ago. My hand couldn't keep my sheet of notebook paper steady the whole two minutes. That poem became a play that made it to a College Theater Festival and due to an emergency I had to replace an actor with an hour's notice...that was even scarier.

I know I was shaky and lacking the proper notes. It was hard to find the bridge between their sound and mine, but eventually I felt the separation dissipate. From my point of view at least. I worried about what I sounded like, then it just didn't matter anymore. The flow took over and I couldn't really hear my self anyway. The lyrics got jumbled up in my memory but they found their way out and it felt freakin good. I don't know how it went, but I did it. The musicians were kind enough to humor a girl like me.

I teach kids to not be afraid of their voices. The first thing I do is have them say their own name, nice and loud, center stage. It is amazing seeing a youngun battle for that kind of expression of pride. So why the hell should I be afraid? I gotta walk the talk.